Anna and the Painful Truth

So, even though I liked Steve, I wasn’t devastated to find out that he would not be my personal coach.  I pictured him as this younger, cuter, sprier, tanner, Orange County version of Tony Robbins.  Maybe his teeth weren’t quite so big, but I imagined that when he smiled, a little cartoon glint would sparkled over his top front incisor like it did in a toothpaste commercial.  Over the phone he was very likable, but not totally relatable, at least not to me anyway. 

Apparently, Steve was actually the coach coordinator...the coach broker, or the coach trafficker---whatever.  He was the gatekeeper of the coaches.  And while we were still on the phone he told me he had already picked out the perfect coach for me.  He got quite excited about it.  (I imagined his cartoon tooth glint was probably sparkling to the point of being blinding with all his mustered enthusiasm for me and my new coach.)  Her name was Anna, and she was also an actress and had spent time in NYC auditioning and performing just like me.  I gave Steve my credit card number over the phone with the intent that as soon as our tax refund money arrived, I would just pay it off.  Right.  Away.

A few days later Anna and I spoke.  She was nothing like Steve or Tony.  She was very calm and grounded and real.  Her voice sounded like it came from her guts, very sure and reassuring, not like she had to poop.  And she wasn’t married to a super model.  At least, if she was, she didn’t mention it to me, and she did not have a suntan that I could hear through the phone line.  We set up a time for our first session.  Then I was sent a long questionnaire about my life and my goals, my accomplishments, etc. which I answered with great detail and sent it off to Anna for her perusal.

Now, before I go on, you’re probably wondering why I even need a life coach, aren’t you?  I seem pretty healthy and happy and together, don’t I?  I mean, I haven’t shared that much with you, but you can tell I’m pretty sane and intelligent and have my shit together, right?  And it’s true.  I do.  It’s kind of astonishing what I’ve accomplished.  But....

....I just turned 40, and I feel so painfully far away from my dreams--painfully being the operative word here.  I don’t feel like I’m living up to my potential.  I don’t feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, what I was put on this earth to do.  I feel like I spend all of my time TRYING to do what I’m supposed to do and TRYING to live my dream.  And “trying” sucks.  Trying is agonizing.  And I’m sure it’s very common to feel this way, especially in this economy, but I’ve felt this way my whole life and I want it to change.     NOW.         

And I thought this life coach thing would help.....